|[tbt: cape cod and she's prepping dinner]|
During weeks like these, I only really settle down after I've gotten a chance to talk with my mom about everything. It took me until senior year to open up to her, seeing her as a whole person. In high school, we never seemed to look at a situation the same way and I had resigned into thinking that she could never understand me. And then finally, I spoke honestly with her. Not just complaining about my stress but actually letting her in on what was going on that was causing me to break down and freak the fuck out. And then, she let me in. My mom is my absolute best friend because I know she would never judge me, and will always snort with me and find me funny.
I Facetimed her earlier because the pressure of the week had been coming down on me hard and I just needed to chat with her. The conversation started off tense while we debated on my academic path, mainly because I feel at a lost and decided to just shun it all. I know she has always wanted the best for me and it hurts her to think of me swallowed by the world after graduation. I was getting a little frustrated, so I started showing her my Pinterest boards. I felt at ease and let her in on all my thoughts instead of just fabricating disagreement. She completely understood the stress that I am feeling right now, reminding me that she went to college too. And got some pretty shitty grades too. And knows that in the grand scheme of things, that's okay. And knows the feeling of a time crunch over multiple days. And felt the need to find a passion. Even at rare glimpses of a time, I need to stop forgetting that she is such a real person. Not just my mom, but my best friend.